The Good Guy Guile

The Good Guy Guile. 

jaded - when experiences with love leave you second guessing yourself to the point where you lose what you thought love represented; empty heart; loss of faith in love 

So there is a so called 'good guy' in your life. He shines in every way, making him appear flawless to you and your judgment. "You had me crawling for you honey, and it never would've gone away, no, you used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade" -Taylor Swift. Typical nice guy exterior, but then, for different reasons for different relationships, something goes wrong and the guy is suddenly not nice so the girl starts to believe her whole relationship was a lie.
    
        "True character unearths in the face of challenge." -Unknown

There you have it. You might be smooth sailing through a relationship and experience only his mask but as soon as something goes wrong, you see him for who he really is. As a student majoring in psychology for the last five years I've studied and researched the mind, experiences, and challenges of human beings. The most concrete evidence I deliver to anyone who inquires is that upbringing and past experience shape how one will be in adulthood. The challenges one faces throughout their life SHAPE who they become. With that said, if someone has had a rocky past it WILL affect their behavior in their present and future. [There are exceptions but they are few and far between.]

For example. My upbringing was something out of a fairy tale. I grew up in a comfortable upper-middle class household with two parents who raised me with their love, consideration, selflessness and wisdom. My father was a thinker, experimenter, open-minded and genuine. My mother is a go-getter, wise and cautious, successful in all parts of her life, resilient, genuine, and loves unconditionally. Together, two people like that, make the art of raising children who will grow up with those values. 

An opposing example. An upbringing of something out of a drama tale. The split of parents, who might not get along, and bring clashing values toward raising the child. Or the absence of a parental figure. If the child does not receive guidance from two loving people who each bring valuable ideals, morals and conduct (I say two because it's traditional to have two parents, although one can survive with the upbringing of one parent there will be aspects missing and the child might be isolated or brought up in a sheltered, one point of view existence, which is not always healthy). 

There are exceptions to both upbringings. Mine sheltered me in a way where I was taught all the good and surrounded by good people and experiences so that once I was faced with bad I took it hard and personal. The other upbringing was surrounded with either clashing of values or absence of certain values so when faced with challenge they too might be unprepared because they are missing certain modes of conduct, utilized during challenge, learned during upbringing. In conclusion, without ruling either upbringing as formidable, we see that upbringing has a lot of influence on how one deals with the challenges in their on-going life. I am a big believer in the influence of upbringing, whether anyone else is or not. 

The psychological, scientific approach has been brought to the table in order to explain the reason why nice guys turn into bad guys. Upbringing. How someone's values about life, relationships, and meaning are formed, where they come from, and how they are used. In the face of challenge, our values about how to deal with the challenge come from how we were raised, what we were taught to believe in and act in said situations. 

When a man is not acting in congruence with your own values, beliefs, and ways to handle challenge it's a red flag that they are not compatible with you. Also, when a man acts as if they're way of handling a situation is superior to yours, that's a red flag that they are not dedicated to working out a compromise. Uncompromisable people do not do well in relationships, let alone marriage. A marriage is the bond between two people who make sacrifices when necessary, aid in the never-ending development of each other's moral and personal character, devise and administer a plan to co-survive, and love each other. But a relationship requires these things as well, but during a relationship is when you figure out if these qualities occur and remain. Without these essential marital qualities, the marriage will fail. Without these qualities existing in a relationship, the relationship will crumble. 


Nice men might look nice on the outside, but once you discover who the person really is (by observing them during times of challenge, when, like I said, true character strengths show) you can decide whether they're really "nice" or just lost. So when women, like myself, uncover the truths about said nice men, we start to second guess our judgment. Like, how did we not see this person for who he really is? We start to feel embarrassed and feel wronged. It's unfair. But life isn't fair now is it. 

I've never felt jaded in my life until this past breakup. Jadedness occurs when the relationship crumbles for reasons that challenge and second guess our judgment. My relationship did not have to crumble and it did for the stupidest reasons. But he is immature and does not know how to act during an argument. Why do I always find guys that let me down no matter how nice they appear? So, that's why I'm jaded. Because I date idiots, who let me down but they are just fulfilling their destiny, or I date blatantly nice guys who let me down because they are fake. I don't think I can take much more of the sad Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, and Miranda Lambert songs. I started listening to the Beach Boys because their lyrics give me hope that there might still be good-natured gentlemen left in the world. Even if they are few and far between I hope to find one some day. Is it too much for a girl to ask to love and be loved in return? IS THIS AN IMPOSSIBLE CONCEPT?! 


The equation - 'nice guy' + challenge = heartless + immature 
          And the women exposed become jaded.